In a previous post I wrote about things I had written before. I didn’t talk about the full list, I’m not sure what all I have. But they are in binders and notebooks on my desk.
I looked at them yesterday, patiently waiting for me to do something with them. I wondered, why are they sitting there? Why haven’t I done something with them? Why did I create them but not “finish” them, whatever finish means.
One day I gathered all the projects I started and did not finish. Now I had the “time” to finish them. I reflected that I wasn’t sure it was just time that put them on the shelf, maybe interest played a role. Squirrel! or just real life getting priority.
Most of the projects were craft projects – knitting, sewing, cross stitch and for whatever reason they were sidelined. Since then, I have finished them all because I had the time. I promised myself I would see a project to completion from now on.
The concept of losing interest was worth musing about. I was always taught to finish what I started. It was a good standard to have. However, now I wonder if I give up and not worry about not keeping up the standards, am I actually listening to my inner needs.
Wasn’t I supposed to enjoy what I do, especially when it is a creative effort? Isn’t that implied in creativity – that I am doing something with passion, that I love and will do for hours on end, oblivious to what is needed beyond the project?
Isn’t the other side of creativity the toil to grow skills, find new perspectives, learn form others? Those aren’t necessarily the terms of love and passion. But they are the terms of growth and mastery. And isn’t it said that you must suffer for your art. Or is that just a response to the question why is this so hard?
I don’t know the answers to any of the questions above. If I did, I would sit on a hill, legs crossed, offering guru like advice. What I do know is that as those binders and notebooks of my writings sit and age, I am missing the opportunity to reopen them and look at them with fresh eyes and skills. I have the ability to develop them into a better state than they are right now.
Right now, they sit, like anchors weighing me down, and like drinking peppermint flavoured hot chocolate every day during the Christmas season, gaining weight daily.
It’s time to dust them off and decide which ones are worthy of a second pass and which should go into the “I’m glad I did it, but don’t want to see it again” pile.
Leaving room for new ideas and fresh starts that are circling in my head. I think they had a purpose when I created them. My job is to confirm that purpose or let them go.
And see what happens.
